Buddy wasn't like the other Hais
He braided his hair with bright yellow ties
Instead of out killing, he'd rather just cook
What an unfortunate, marginalized, misunderstood Uruk
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, too sensitive and too shy
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, even Pippin could make him cry
While killing and maiming and running amok
Is the only desire of the other Uruks
Not for Buddy, the loneliest Uruk-Hai
When Buddy was born he was a little too short
A little too weak and a little too portly
He tried to fit in, but in Saruman's army
There just ain't no love for an Uruk with a tummy
Oh how he wished he could be a berserker
With their abs so toned and their thoughts of pure murder
With their six-foot long broadswords and rippling pecs
Buddy always would volunteer to help shave their necks
But the lead Uruk-Hai had a problem with Buddy
He said "That guy over there keeps acting real funny,
Making quiche and souffles and wreaths out of flowers
And hanging around while the Orcs take their showers."
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, too sensitive and too shy
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, even Pippin could make him cry
If hacking and slashing and beating folks up
Is the main prerequisite to being an Uruk
That explains why Buddy was the loneliest Uruk-Hai
Now the Uruk-Hai boss had to make a decision
Should he shoulder his crossbow and make Buddy his next victim
Or just transfer the poof to some other unit
And let someone else deal with his fleecy white tunics
So the Uruk-Hai boss, who was really quite lazy
Decided to transfer poor Buddy to the Navy
After all he had heard about Orcs on the ocean
Maybe they'd be okay with his fondness for lotion
But Buddy wasn't cut out for life on the sea
And before he knew it he had caught a disease
When he peed it would burn like a fiery red demon
I guess that's just what happens when you bunk with Orc sea men
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, too sensitive and too shy
Buddy, Buddy, Buddy, even Pippin could make him cry
While under the gaze of the great watchful eye
Poor Buddy was hogtied and then sodomized
Now he's Bummy, the homo-liest Uruk-Hai |
